i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
