I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
