can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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