No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
