Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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