I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Acid is not a monday night drug
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
