what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
