Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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