Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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