I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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