The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
