I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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