Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
