he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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