Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
