That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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