oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
