Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I AM VODKA MAN
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
