i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize