I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
