We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
