I just pynch a tree in the face
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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