Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can Purell be used as lube?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Send help, water and tortillas.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
