I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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