So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
