i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
