Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
