my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
