We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You may now shotgun with the bride
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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