I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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