i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.