How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife