Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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