So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok