The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
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Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper