We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him