I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
