it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
