mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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