College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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