It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
