you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
there is glitter all over my balls
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
