TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
