Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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