so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
