420 ftw
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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