Ambien. No doubt about it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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