I can tuck mytits in my pants
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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