Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
