I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
