Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
