Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
