i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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