At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
