I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
