when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
