How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pooping to opera.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
