So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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