no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
