Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
