shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
