I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dicks are not precious.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
