i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
