My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
