he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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