I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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