I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
