i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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