Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
