Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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