Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
