your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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