That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
