They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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