i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
