i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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