I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize