Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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