I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there was a trapeze. enough said
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
