Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
