Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
