Sry I called you an 8
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
